Josh Beckett Channels Shaq's Offseason Regiment

This image has to be a bit discouraging for Red Sox fans, as Beckett seems to have spent more time at the buffet than on the mound.

On my Christmas List

My family and I like the "no-guess" Christmas. We post our wish-list on Amazon and call it a day. After years and years of ill-fitting Care Bear underwear from our parents, we decided choosing our own presents is the wise route. And we have not been disappointed. When in doubt a gift-card, is our motto.

Too bad Amazon doesn't have a Wish-List for this beaut.


A Red Sox t-shirt for my fave relief pitcher, Jonathan "Papelboner" Papelbon. Now that celebrates Christ's birth!

MR. K

Get used to it Colorado, cause you will see Beckett twice in the series. Was it me, or did it seem that Colorado was in awe of his stuff from the first pitch? While the Red Sox carried their October magic into the World Series, when Dustin "I swear I am tall enough to ride the roller coaster" Pedroia hit a lead off home run. Game 1 looked like the the Varsity squad taking on the JV team, and we all know what happens next. Game 2 tonight, and the Rockies better get a win, or I am calling sweep.

Red Sox Craigslist

My sister recently emailed me this "you are slacking on your blog." Which is 100% accurate. I was hired as a writer on a gay sketch comedy show and my life has been a little hectic with work. But things are calming down and I thought I would share a couple of hilarious CRAIGSLIST posts some of the boys at work shared with me. Now Craigslist is a place where you can sell a futon or get a stranger to pee on you.

Well after the Sox won the ALCS there seems to be an odd fetish going on in NYC: Red Sox sex. (Note: spelling errors are all Craigslist.) Like this posting in

MEN SEEKING WOMEN CASUAL ENCOUNTERS
Chubby girl or BBW who likes the Red soxs? (your place) - m4w - 29 (Midtown)

looking for chubby girl or a bbw to invite me over to watch the rest of the redsox/indians game.

will bring food or drinks whatever you want, just looking to hang out.

That seems sort of sweet and sad. Or as my friend Craig said, sad and sad.

How about a post I'm calling "Self-loathing Yankee fan" in

MEN SEEKING MEN CASUAL ENCOUNTERS

Yankee Fan to suck Red Sox Cock - 31

I thought that by this time, we would have beaten you guys, but I guess not. You are going to the series, so I want to get on my knees and take your load. I wear my yankees cap, you wear your Red sox cap. Whip it out and I take your juice.

Pretty adorable, right? My guess is that A-Rod posted it.

Best Red Sox Kid Ever

A Red Sox blog I like called Red Sox Monster turned me on to this clip. This is something for all. Non-sports fans included.

A young cancer survivor, Lexi Alden gets on the mic and completely steals the show. And NESN's Tina Ceraviso has sense enough to let her go pretty unfiltered. My favorite part is when pitcher Kyle Snyder lines up for the next kiss and Lexi disses him. (Appx. 1:04) Genius. This child is a star. This kid is channeling Elaine Stritch - I am obsessed with her.

Enjoy.

Hot Mess...

Doesn't Eric Gagne look like a hot mess...reminds me of the 2004 team. Te he!

Welcome to my future ex-husband, Eric Gagne

He is now a Red Sox.

Sox Appeal, Don and Jerry!

"Sox Appeal" is a dating show on NESN. Every episode a single Red Sox fan is sent on three blind dates over the course of one Fenway game.

The show hasn't aired yet, but the Red Sox NESN commentators, Don and Jerry, LOVE to comment on the dates during the game. Take a look here

Fast forward to about 1:40 to hear them POINT BLANK LAUGH AT THE MAN. It is pretty amazing. They are some of the best announcers in the biz. Their comments during the April "pizza throwing" incident was priceless. So priceless I am including it here



Also take a look at the ad for "Sox Appeal" featuring several Red Sox players talking about what not to do on a date. I think I am demoting Kevin Youkilis from "future ex-husband" status and I am promoting Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia's advice "don't go." It is like we are already divorced! He also advices the man to pay for the date and to not be a "tight ass." SWOON!



Originally posted on JackieClarke.net

Ted Williams is a Grump

HDTV Stikes Again

More in "Guys I Don't Need to See in High-Def" - the Julian Tavarez edition.


Listen, I love the guy, he is weird and total chums with Manny but you need to look at face. Damn he is ugly. I watched the Sox/Braves in regular TV and I could have crammed peanut butter in his acne scars. I am not saying I wouldn't blast him. But I would close my eyes.

Kevin Youkilis Works for Scooter Libby!?!

This picture was on the front page of the NY Times today.


Doesn't this look like RED SOX 1st baseman and future Jackie Clarke ex-husband, Kevin Youkilis, escorting convicted Bush felon, Scooter Libby?


Yooooooooouks!

(Originally posted on JackieClarke.net)

Tim! I need you to buy me this! Manny Being Merlot!

Tim seriously - I need you to buy me this.


There is a minimum of 6 bottles. But I think I am worth it. Don't you? Here is a link to the order form.

I'd expect this from a Red Sox fan...

Mets Fan Busted in Brave Blinding

A Mets fan arrested at Shea Stadium Friday night has been accused of trying to temporarily blind an Atlanta Braves pitcher and shortstop with a high-powered flashlight, authorities said.

WHAT?

Isn't it a little early in the season to be BLINDING players? Jesus. I am always surprised when psycho fans are not Red Sox fans. And I am even more surprised when people are super-passionate about the Mets...I mean that's like getting really excited about ice-berg lettuce.

The alleged criminal's name is Frank Martinez, 40. And, according to 1010Wins recently was fired from his "job as an exterminator." Classy, being blinded by a man who kills bugs. Rather, used to kill bugs.

While watching the Red Sox/Yankees game yesterday with my brother, I asked him why his fiancee didn't join us. "She hates baseball," my brother told me. How can anyone hate baseball with a story like this. This kind of fanaticism is Shakespearean!

(Previously posted on JackieClarke.net)

Yankees Love Rape

A friend of mine who happens to be a Yankee fan (I know, disgusting, but it is a product of living in NYC - this person happens to be a Yankee and a Cowboys fan so his seat is waiting for him in the pits of hell) sent me this joke:

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered an unconscious, nude woman. Out of respect and propriety, the Yankees fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Blue Jays fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed over her nether region. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his investigation.

First, he lifted up the Yankees cap, looked, replaced it and wrote down a few notes. Next, he lifted up the Blue Jays cap, looked, replaced it and wrote down some more notes.

Then he lifted up the Red Sox cap, looked, replaced it, scratched his head, lifted it again and looked, replaced it, thought for a minute then lifted it again, looked and finally replaced it before writing down some notes. The Red Sox fan was getting a little upset and asked, "What are you, a pervert or something! Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"

"Well," said the officer, "I'm simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Red Sox cap I find an asshole."

There are a lot of things wrong with this joke. First of all, not funny. Jokes should make people laugh. Not a laugh to be found in this joke. If we learned anything from Imus's racist rumblings about the Lady Rutgers we have learned that if your defense is that "I made a joke" the comment needs to be funny.

Second, why would a Red Sox fan be hanging out with a Blue Jays fan and a Yankees fan? How the hell did the Blue Jays end up in this stupid joke? What did they do? Why are they being punished? Obviously the Yankees and the Red Sox have an epic rivalry but the Blue Jays? They are Canadian. Who cares about them? This is a clear case of "we need another team and I like birds...Blue Jays." Lazy joke telling.

But the real rub of this joke is that it is a RAPE JOKE! Only a Yankees fan would think it is cool to laugh at a nude woman on the side of the road. I found a cat on the side of the road once and guess what? IT WAS DEAD. I've seen "Law and Order SVU" I know nude girls on the side of the rode have been raped and murdered.

When I read that joke all I could think about were the 4 hookers killed in Atlantic City a few months back. I imagined this fantasy world where a Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan and a Blue Jays fan decide to ride down to AC and get a $4 blow-job. On the way to a shit-bag motel they happen upon a dead nude girl. The Red Sox fan and the Blue Jays fan are truly disturbed and contemplate how fragile life is. The Yankees fan thinks, "This is funny!"

Shame shame shame Yankees. Shame.

(Originally posted on JackieClarke.net)