I'm Roger Clemens My Penis Hurts

"Waaaah! Waaah! Wah! Wah! I'm Roger Clemens. My pee pee hurts. I can't pitch a baseball even though I'm being paid 8 billion dollars to do so. Wah! My penis hurts. I can't play. It's my penis. My penis hurts. OW! Stop looking at my penis! It hurts. I'm 45. I haven't crapped in 12 days. It is hurting my penis. OW! My penis!"

- Roger Clemens

(Originally posted on JackieClarke.net)